My Moment with the Backpack

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     Today I was walking through the bread aisle at our local grocery store and happened to notice that there was a backpack in a cart pushed over to the side of the aisle.  Just sitting there by itself and my daughter looked at it and said. “We should move from this section, you never know…” The way she said it obviously giving off implications that there might be a bomb in this unattended backpack.  This moment stands out to me because I got home and was like, “Why was that so scary?”

At what point did this threat become so real.  I mean prior to being in the military the closest I came to a moment such as this was how the airport would say, “If you see an unattended language please report it,” over the intercom.  (or something to that effect, I never actually worked at the airport and I didn’t go to very many places that involved plane travel so bear with me.)   After serving in the military, which included the Gulf War, I still wasn’t afraid in my own country.

For me it more was post 9/11 that I became aware that the violence could directly affect me and my children.  We were living in Ohio and literally lived next to the airport.  That was a very real fear at the time.  Now it seems silly.  Looking back we would have been fine had I stayed in Ohio, in my comfy 3 story condo. (mourn the loss)  I think living here in Massachusetts it was more the Boston Marathon incident that made it so personal and that these things could happen close to us.

Going back to that moment in the grocery store, there was that fear.  I think many people might have this sitting in the back of their minds and now and again it pops up.  My mind goes to a world that turns from this overstocked markets to one where we are wartorn, carrying around weapons and trading our possessions just to feed our families.

It is then that I realize that for some people THAT is their reality. That this exists in the world and that we would turn away people who are running from that life makes me sad.  Sad as a person.  Sad as a mother.  That it seems like that underlying fear that now rests there in the back of our minds tells us that it is okay that we act like that.  That we need to take care of our country, our families.  Do I deny that I want to do that? No, of course I want to help those close to me and around me, but I also want to be able to look back at my life and know that I was a good person, that I tried to be a positive being in this universe.

So yeah, just some thoughts I had in my head that I figured I would share.

~Em

Am I creative?

What makes a person creative??

This was the very first question that was posed to me for the start of this “Methods of Design” course at Full Sail.  My first class for 2016.  I sat there and stared at the screen for a long time just wondering, “Is it actually what I think it is?” and okay, lots of ground this could cover.

I mean seriously, What “does” make a person creative?  I  mean, everyone is creative in some sense, aren’t we?

Well, being the total nerd that I am the first place I went was m-w.com (or http://www.merriam-webster.com/) though I’ve always just remembered to type the first thing.  Lazy I guess.

Merriam-Webster said:

creative

adjective cre·a·tive \krē-ˈā-tiv, ˈkrē-ˌ\

Simple Definition of creative

  • : having or showing an ability to make new things or think of new ideas

  • : using the ability to make or think of new things : involving the process by which new ideas, stories, etc., are created

  • : done in an unusual and often dishonest way

This part caught my eye “using the ability to make or think of new things”.  So, having an idea really isn’t being creative until you put that thought into action or is it until you put it down on paper?  Are you creative just because you think of really cool things and spout them off to everyone? Well, maybe that just makes you a creative thinker and not a creative doer….

I think what makes a person creative ends up being is what inspires that person to act.   A person becomes creative when he (or she) takes that little idea running around in their dreams at night and turning it into reality.

So, am I creative?  I guess if you can call my poetic ramblings, scribbles on paper and this blog a product of my creativity than yes, by definition, I’m pretty creative.  Other than that, I’m basically just a little crazy and willing to put myself out there.

Oh, speaking about that…. it also asked, “if creativity could be taught.” This is something I am learning myself.  Someone prompted me towards a book called “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron.  This book is a little “out there” in a sense where it takes you on a spiritual path to opening yourself up to remembering how to be creative.  So if you aren’t really into that kind of thing or open to seeing things from that perspective it probably isn’t for you.  I’m enjoying reading it so far.

There was this quote by Pablo Picasso that I liked in it that said:

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

Emily's Creative Child
I like thinking that there is a little Emily locked inside begging to come out and play again.  It gives me hope that there is more to my existence than just this 45-year-old mom who happens to be disabled and bored.

~~~talk to you later~~~

Oh, for this class I also had to make a site for my school work.  You can check it out at http://emilyjsmall.blogspot.com/   Presently it just shows the beginnings of my second assignment that involves taking a work of art that I wouldn’t hang on my wall and making it into something I find more aesthetically (I totally spelled this wrong like 3 times.  Thanks, Grammarly  for fixing it for me. ) pleasing.

~em

Just there on the desk…

Last night I finished my final presentation for my 3D Foundations Class (which basically taught me the basic of using the Maya application.)  I had to take 4 of the models that I created from image references, UV them, Bake an Ambient Occlusion on them and then import them into a scene.  Then had to take an artistic render image of this.  So, for a program I started the month of August knowing almost nothing about I think I did pretty well.

This is how that turned out.  I don’t know how “artsy” the picture I took is, but at least I got the silly models to stop glowing!  Apparently when I imported them I forgot to move some files beforehand and Maya did some funny stuff.
Small_Emily_Render_3DF_1508
so, I made the teapot, the fork, the candlestick and the spray can.  Slowly but surely I “will” learn this and be good at it!! *laughs*  ah well….

This month I have Art Fundamentals 2 … so you’ll get to see my lame attempts at drawing humanoids… I’m weeping over here just a bit, as the thought terrifies me. Give me some confidence k?

I used the picture to inspire some writing…. enjoy ❤

Today I thought about all the things on my desk,
the teapot you bought for me from somewhere out west.
There’s that stolen fork from the dive where we happened to meet.
Your friends thought it was funny, that you bought a stranger a treat.
Even the can of red spray paint is sitting on there.
Remember we used it to draw that heart at the faire.
I have that candlestick holder there as well.
It’s flawed just a little, but it makes my heart swell.
To remember the candle that was in it that day.
That united us together in such a special way.
So random the things I have on this desk.
But they remind me of us, so I like them the best.

Till next time…. ~em

If you see it…

I wrote this for an All Poetry new member contest, which I do not think I won honestly but I thought it was cute enough to share with you all…  basically we had to choose from a series of pictures and write something original for it. This was the picture I chose…

Picture 8 – Picture Credit – © beyond/Corbis

and here is the poem.  I gave the poem the title “If you see it”, which once you read it you will totally understand.

———————————————————–

have you seen my heart
it was lost to me
for I gave it away
oh so easily

where did it go
you must wonder I see
it was to a man who was
so much cuter than me

He wasn’t the right one
though I was so sure it was him
you’ll see when I tell you
oh how to begin…

the things he said
yes they seemed so right
the moments we shared
they blinded my sight

we danced under the stars
and toasted to the moon
a pretty little melody
that ended all too soon

so if you see it,
this lost heart of mine
just give me a call
pull a tab, drop a line.

———————————————————–

Let me know what you think 🙂

~Em