My Poetry Page


I try to leave all my drama in these, it allows me to let stuff go that would tear me apart inside…

Split Apart
Written: Nov 8, 2014

Once upon a time
There was You.
You were so happy, joyful in your world.
You were complete
The Universe had given you everything you needed.
You were magic, you were grace.
You danced and Oh how you sang.
Such beautiful music you made.
You were given great gifts.
You were an explorer.
You were a mad scientist.
You were a dreamer.
You were a lover of all that surrounded you.
You were the caregiver to the land.
You were everything you could be.
You were content.
You were you.
The Universe had also graced the world with gods.
Now the gods of this place were angry, jealous beings.
They of course thought themselves better than you.
Thought you should serve them.
Thought you should worship them.
You didn't need them.
They sought to find a way to hurt you.
They cursed the food you, and you fell asleep.
While you were sleeping, they took their revenge.
While you were sleeping, you were torn.
They whisked away, the other part of the old you gone.
You had become We.
When we awakened.
We felt different.
We no longer felt whole.
We are still unique, still special with our many gifts.
We still dance and sing.
We feel kind of lost though.
Some of us look to those gods.
Who smile in their contempt at the mess they have made.
We try to feel complete inside, but something is amiss.
We can feel it out there...
We go looking.
We stumble across many others parts now.
There are so many.
Some are almost a fit.
That one who fits our puzzle piece perfectly.
Sadly...  just when we think we found it.
We find we were wrong.
In that moment that we were torn.
We had become us.
You and Me.
The split-apart we.

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The Way it Is.
Written: 18 December 2011

It's not about what you have
..but how you make me feel.

When we touch.. When your hand reaches for mine. it all seems more real.

The way you stroke my hair..
..When you look down into my eyes.

The way you hold me close
..the way you run your hand down my thighs.

It's how my heart races,
...when i lay my head against your chest.

or when my arm is across you, 
...when we lay down to rest.

It's how you can stare at a wooden bowl,
..and marvel at the design.

The etchings, the colors, 
..or even just amazed at the geometry of the line.

It's how you come up behind me,
...whisper how great I smell.

The soft kisses, the protective stance,
..and how you caught me before I fell.

It's how you made sure, 
...that her training wheels were on right.

How you came back to me,
...that night we had our fight.

It's those amazing eyes, that adorable smile,
..and Oh, that so freakin cute ass.

It's the way you say "I love you.", 
...and how you always pumped the gas.

These may seem like little things,
...that are meaningless to some.

But they are just the very things,
...that show me you are my one.

The one that I long to wake up to,
...every morning I open my eyes.

For you are that missing pieces, the puzzle of our lives.

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Written: 062311 /0130

Love encases me like a bubble
It breathes in strongly
Pulling me in deeper into its core
Then it exhales
Exuding tender tentacles
That capture,
That caress,
That stroke on every pore of my being.
They dance, and swirl
Twirling me through my days
Wrapping around my thoughts,
Melding into my very existence,
Molding me anew
Into one spirit
A spirit that sings in contentment
Glistening in the light it sparkles
Shimmering in the darkness
Forging itself into tiny particles
That flutters softly amidst my inner most being
Releasing me from past fears
Whispering to my soul
You have found your heart
And it is with he… 

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I felt you
Written: 18 May 2010 /1432

I felt you when we met, you made me smile and laugh so hard.

I felt you when you kissed me good night, and handed me your card. 

I felt you when you talked to me about the things in your life. 

I felt you when you held me oh so close on that one special night.

I felt you when you lied to me, as I cried myself to sleep.

I felt you when I died inside, when all i could see was grief.

I felt you when you apologized, and said it wouldn't happen again.

I felt you when you faltered twice, and I had to say the end.

I felt you when I walked away, and quietly disappeared. 

I felt you once again today, and I wanted you to hear.

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Water of Me
Written: 07/07

Love such a raw river of emotion
How deep it streams through me
an endless tide for my children
a deep well for man I would love
for myself I find I have just skimmed the top
searching for a fountain to explore
I bathe in it, relish in its joy
cry hot tears for its pain
I swim in the rippling tub of desire
and float in the pool of contentment
Shower on me the gifts of that love
let me rain the fruits on those closest to me
Offer me not any other drink
for I wish to ride this wave forever.

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A Touch of Vin
Written: February 13, 2006

The mirrors of your soul, those eyes of soft brown
Clear and balanced, firmly planted to the ground
Explorer, Warrior, Role model by choice
Your baritone voice
Plays on my eardrums like spice, made to entice
Take me to an imaginary place, with that structured face, fine, so strong
Lips formed to kiss, all the day long
The lines of your neck, the sweep of your brow
So focused on the here and now
The arms meant to hold, the mind to inspire
The gentle nature of the man, who lights me on fire
These are the things that draw me so near
Fears disappear, everything’s clear
My “one day” list, does consist of holding you close
Keeping it real, making the most of what we feel
Thank you for the moments, the kindness you’ve shown
I find that I’ve found my own touch stone
Harnessed in power, solid as lead
Come my sweet man; let me show you to bed.

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Semblance of Hope
Written: February 11, 2005

What is going on with the world today?
People scream at each other
Children forget how to play
Some men forget that their children exist
Traditions of pain that do persist
Tsunamis and Floods and mud slides abound
A time of trials it seems we have found
How do we find comfort in the land of the lost?
Where is our salvation and what does it cost?
Where do we find meaning, where do we find hope?
How do we find happiness and how do we cope?
What if I told you, to find peace is free?
That real hope exists of this I can guarantee
The truth lies in God, who sees and knows all.
Who sees our every triumph
Who witnesses our every fall
“Why doesn’t he jump in and help”, I want to say
Like some superhero to save the day
But He gave us the choice
To do what is right
To help our fellow man
To keep hope in sight
In the end it will all be counted
The good works we do
Like sitting in a bank
A perpetual queue
Have you ever looked up and asked God “why me?”
Have you ever wondered at what is your destiny?
Is it to work everyday, to gain the most wealth?
To think of no one else but only yourself
Is it to live with no worries or to have no ties?
Is it to only have answers and never tell lies?
Ask yourself what you want out of this life you’ve been given
Do you want to be more or just be forgiven?

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All About You.
Written: January 6, 2005

We were worried, you know
Your family and I
We thought you might be dead
But you had just simply runaway
Must be so nice to get to do that
I honestly must say
You have no remorse, no responsibilities, it’s true
No compassion for others, Oh, I forgot
It is all about YOU.

Am I angry?  You betcha
Am I to blame?  Probably much indeed.
I could only see you through my desire
My love, and ultimately, my need. 
The need to love you, to feel something back.
I am sorry I confused it all once again, with the love that you lack.

I forgive you for running
But not for this pain
The scent of you, the key left behind
but no phone call, no message, no letter with my name.

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one tear
Forgive me if I bleed on your sheets 
As I have carved myself into an endless sleep. 
I have given all that I can 
The essence of the woman 
I think that I am 
Wishing I had done so much more 
with my life. 
Quickly aging, filled with strife. 
a mother of failing, 
my soul deeply wailing, 
the last tears I spill, 
as I release my will. 
The faint beat, I hear it, 
Could this be the end? 
I struggle to hear the heart 
I couldn't mend. 
I wonder of other's thoughts. 
Will they feel any pain. 
Don't worry my loves, 
I place of you no blame. 
It was my heart that couldn't be whole. 
Never Matured, never strong, true joy never to behold. 
... a slight wince of pain... 
............One tear says goodbye, 
...............goodbye to them all. 

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lost child

(published Barefoot Afternoons, The International Library of Poetry, pg. 141 ISBN: 0-7951-5150-0, copyright: 2003)

The innocence stolen 
Her eyes show the Tale 
of Pain permanent 
A soul painted pale 
The Childhood robbed 
Agony shoved into place 
Deep in her memory 
a fake smile on her face 

The mask that she wears 
can only cover so much 
She weeps in her sleep 
cringes at every touch 

Her imagination takes her to far better place 
To face where she is, 
Would only be her disgrace 
She agonizes both day and night. 
of the truth coming out 
she trembles in fright. 

She needs to know that it's not her fault 
not to bury those memories, 
in a stone hearted vault 

To face up to the pain, 
will make the demons disappear 
bring some hope into her life, 
Bring the child back near

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Written: November 25, 2004

I have found something so amazing.
Something I wish the world could see.
Something I hold close to my heart.
Something I have wanted endlessly.

Even when I close my eyes.
It never goes away.
It travels with me in my dreams.
Lights my darkest days

A poet’s muse, a sparkles fuse.
You ask, what could it be?
To make you laugh, make you cry.
To touch the inner me.

Be True, Be Real, Be Honest, Feel.
Stand your ground and do not flee.
For if you look inside yourself
You will see the something that I see.

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the reason
Tears stream down my hazel eyes
Across my stinging red cheeks
I tried to follow but my feet failed me
As you went forward down the streets

The words you stated
So clearly put
Scarred my broken heart
No more would my arms be around you
For now was time for us to part

Despair and Anguish
Are all that is left
From what you left behind
The clothes you piled into a mountain
On the bed that was now all mine

This so called bitch
The woman you left was torn apart that night
Lost her mind, gave up on love
And lost the will to fight

I sit here now
Alone, confused and trying to stay sane
Locked in a unit with tons of nurses
Asking me my name.

“Why did you try to end your life”
I get asked so many times
I had a love that I gave my all
But found he wasn't mine.

He had given his heart to another
It was a drug I cannot name
It pulled him far away from me
Then he left me with all the blame

His family and my friends
Tried to keep me from it all
“Spare yourself the pain, and stay away from him, 
Oh, and don’t forget to call”

Did I remember who I was? 
Before I fell apart?
Ask me again tomorrow
For today, I’m not feeling so smart

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one memory
The gentleman in black did bear red roses 
His voice whispered tales of old 
His silent beauty took my breath away. 
His strength made me bold. 
Does he realize the power that he holds? 
This dark bard that pranced through my time. 
I think about him often. 
Always so secure, always so sublime. 
I close my eyes 
I can almost feel the memory of our moment. 
I reach for it, drawing it in 
I share this time as if emotion lent. 
The light from the moon showed me the way 
An etched path in the sand 
The breeze washed over me gently 
As he held my hand. 
Led me to a spot where the water did wash 
Kissed me softly, we made love under the stars. 
A candle glowing in the darkness. 
Music from the beating of our hearts. 
His tenderness, his time. 
His eyes met mine. 
Thank you for this moment. 
It does well to remind. 
He gave me books to read 
He opened up my mind 
He made me moan with passion 
He held me when I cried. 
I know it’s hard to understand 
Why I did what I did 
But I could not give him what he needed 
Nor what he wanted me to give. 
I let go of him, this dark poet 
That showed me I was more then I thought. 
I needed to run away from him to use what he had given me. 
To find what I truly sought. 
It’s a dream he did give. 
This poet of mine. 
The dream of being happy. 
The dreams of love divine.

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I closed my eyes, he was touching me, 
He caressed my cheek, could this be, 
Had I pleased him in my silence, 
the hard lashes showed the dominance.. 
I struggled not to finch but in my mind I screamed, 
The wanting , the craving his punishment and love 
or so it seemed, 

I was nothing, it was my bliss, 
I so ached for his tender kiss, 
Could he see through my blank expression, 
to the soul of my obsession.. 

Slap and pinch me, make me whole... 
My body aroused, do not console. 
Break me, beat me...then hold me down... 
In this pain, my heart does to pound... 

Love you, hate you... 
Both the extreme 
Pain and Pleasure bring both to me.

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a series of words

( I was given a list of words and asked to write a verse per word. This is what I came up with.)

Lips  formed in a smile
Eyes tell so much more
The windows to the soul
An open door
The smile can lie
But the eyes tell the truth
Read me more closely
I’m open to you
Hips thick and curved
Formed over time
Wrapped in velvet flesh
Dangerously mine
Beckoning you closer
Calling you near
Tempting you further
Nothing to fear

Breath over my skin
Tingles down my back
Nipples taunt with excitement
Nothing to lack
Silence in the air
Except the pounding of my heart
I hear the soft music
Of your touch dancing across my skin
Let it begin
The minstrel of your mouth
Playing its tune like a violin
Embrace me tightly
Hold me close
Heart my whisper, hear my moan
Your name I call out
I want to shout
Yes, yes that is the place
That pleasure pain look now crosses my face

Again, I sing, my voice sounds hoarse
The pleasurable course
Riding a stallion to win a medallion
That comes in the form of a raging storm
Of passions ignited, souls united
Dance with me, to ecstasy.

Eternal moments, Souls collide
Fears released, dark pasts declined
Open to reason, clear in thought
Trust complete, much is taught
Teach me my sensei
Open me up, feed me the meal 
Of my mind that I long for so much.

Inside I’m open, free of fear
A force to be dealt with
So much is now clear
A sexual being, an intimate soul
The lost child grown up
now in control

Wind that blows like
A gentle storm over my body
Your wind draws me in
Plays and dances,
Licks and prances
Down my skin
Ecstasy engulfs me
The mind explodes
Unable to comprehend
The story you’ve told
Your body is the conductor
Mine plays the muse
A symphony of wonder
Composed by you.

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the line
Visualize a line if you will 
Extending out through your life... 
In this line are various people... 
Some with gifts of happiness, some give you stife.. 
But all give something to you, as their turn comes 
Now steps in a person 
Holding a silver flask of wine 
You drink for a long time.. 
relishing in it's taste... 
not seeing the true face of the person offering you this gift.. 
Then one day, this person takes back the flask.. 
saying that you turned it to poison. 
you walk away in confusion...hurting... 
You look to your line 
Another stands there, holding a crystal tray with various fruits 
and offers you tea 
The fruit is sweet, the tea enriching.. 
You can still see, the other holding the silver flask 
It's wine so intoxicating that all you want is it back 
You tell the one with the fruit, that you are scared, 
and that you want the flask. 
The persons tear fill your tea, and as the person walks 
away, you drink.. 
Realizing the loss.. 
Have you ever wondered why it takes a loss of something good 
that makes you want it back.. 

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The darkness does hold.. 
in it's silent embrace
The Fragments of my heart
each torn out of place
I wonder what happened
I beg for the light
I just want to remember
what was so right
There is no forgiveness
All seems to be lost
I gave the heart freely
Now I pay the cost
I pity the one
that does come next
He's pay for the sins
of those I regret
I realize that isn't right
why I need to write it down
to remember how I 'm feeling
to settle my ground
I want to be happy
It just doesn't work
Not knowing the differences
between wonderful and a jerk
what was it that made me
what could it have been
why can't I see it.
My hard time with Men.
I could cry all day.. 
about things that have happened
but what good would it do.
about loves lost in passion.
I can't fit the past
only look towards what could be.
All that I ask
is that you don't judge me.

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the truth
I feel Pain, I feel Hunger 
Is this what the Almighty intended, I wonder 
Why must it be a constant fight 
I keep on trying with all my might 
It can't all be for none 
I can't be the only one 
Who struggles through her daily life 
Hugging her children, trying not to feel strife. 
Not due to them, they did nothing wrong 
"..Its all the man.." as it says in a old song. 
I realize that I'm at fault just as him. 
Life isn't a game, that you can win. 
You just wander through, trying to smile. 
but let me tell you darlin... 
It's been awhile

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still there
Secondary emotion
I cannot find my soul
I try to feel the love
But all I feel is cold

I put on a pretty face
And smile the best I can
But how can I respond
Do I love this man.

I feel my heart beat
Eyes closed I see his face
But how can I love someone
With pain that does not erase

The childhood pain
I have tried to release
But still it lies there
Like a hungry beast

Waiting to tear away any trust
That I could possibly find
For someone else in my life
The beast tries only to remind

Of torment, of pain
Of nothing to gain
Of love, of hate
Of the two mixed up.
But it’s not the same.

He says he understands
Comprehends the past
But could he, would he love me
Would his love last?

They say to take a step 
A step of faith it’s called.
But I wonder if can
How can this be solved.

I pull back gently
Reminding him that I’m scared
He smiles and says it’s okay.
He’ll still be there.

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for mom
Life is filled with twists and Turns.
We all grow older, the mind does yearn.
Where do we go now, we ask ourselves.
Maturity grasps hold, the wrinkles begin to tell.
Understanding comes at a very high price, 
of not being perfect
of not having every whim
I wonder, at what age does this begin.
We see it in our mother's eyes, 
the day that we are born.
Broken hearts, her past, so clouded and yet so warm.
30 or so years go by, we begin to see it in ourselves, 
A common bond of aging
of growing,
of loving, 
of laughing, 
of tears...
Family seems to hold the secrets, 
Children say the unspoken truths,
Mothers feel the pains of all,
Fathers seem to only remember their youth.
Hold onto what you have won in life
All the good with the bad,
the loving and the pain,
for in it lies the greatest truth,
which leads us to his name.

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looking in the mirror
I know that person, I used to be her.
The one that you turn to,
when all others let you down
the one that holds your attention
even when not around
You don't want to feel for them
because things aren't the way you planned
Not showing any emotion
being the hard essence of man.
Make cruel jokes, make sure you show you don't care
but remember my dear, one day, they might not be there
True feelings never change
Real friendships never die
People just lose their way and 
forget to say goodbye.
Don't be one of the cold people
one of the dead inside
To smile when all you feel is pain,
would only be a lie.
Don't try to be the knight, 
that saves others from their lives
Just try to see the good
You see their love inside
Don't begin to get me wrong
this way has it's minor flaws
I've been hurt more the once or twice
I like to think I've made someone smile
by trying to be nice.
So when you look at yourself in the mirror
Tell me, what do you see?
Do you see the someone who you like?
Can you see the person you want to be?
I can only hope, that i will find my way 
and I pray you find yours.
and if the two shall ever meet
try not to slam the door.
for standing in front of you,
might be someone you could call friend
but if you let them go, 
you'll have nothing in the end.

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the unseen
Do you see me..
I'm standing right in front of you
I'm waving my arms, and crying out
and yet.. you look right through me.
I wonder if you even know I am here
or if you only see me when you need to.
I'm not just here sometimes... 
I'm here, all the time.
No no, I'm not stupid today
I wasn't put here for your amusement
Yes, Yes I am organized, 
sure I can do that for you
Yes, I'd love hear your story
why can't you hear me
I'm talking.. and yet... you aren't listening
Is there anyone out there who listens?
You don't see me. 
I see that now... 
I sit in my space of the world surrounded
by people who don't see me.
Every now and then, i think someone does
and then .. I blink, and their vision fades.
I am screaming, I trying to be heard
and yet... I sit alone.
I pick the phone, I say hello
there is no dial tone, only the silence that encases my existence.
I look up, I see a man. 
I thought I saw him look at me.
his expression suggests he wonders who i am.
I begin speak... 
he turns, no no, he didn't see me either.
Is there something wrong with me?
I sniff under my arms
No no, I don't smell.
It must be something else.
I tap on the door, 
I saw someone through the window
I know someone is there
they gaze out the window, they turn and walk away
I am alone, unheard sorrow bellowing for attention.
You are there, I know you are
You have seen me before.
I'm not just this number to be counted when
you need to see that your tally for the month is filled
I'm tired, tired of trying to be seen
tired of trying to be heard.
I turn to look into the mirror
I close my eyes and reach out to myself there
I can see me, I know the person I am.
I will trust in that person there
for she is the one who will never leave me
always see me.
I am alone, but I am with myself.

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lost in a box
The light, the dark, they grab hold of his mind.. 
The wonder of his thoughts 
Pain etched by time.. 
Words Spoken, Tears fallen 
Ache Deep within 
Trying to make sense of his life's tale spins. 
Speaks few words, His brow so creased. 
Shattered Dreams 
Give him silent grief. 
Words not spoken, Tears not fallen 
Ache deep within 
crippled longing of a lost life to begin. 
trapped inside a computerized world
he builds a life that touches none
Loves given, friends taken
words spoken, tears fallen
still ache deep within

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Could you feel the heat 
when I touched your soul 
I pulled you in 
You made me whole 
I asked you why 
you wanted me 
You made your claims 
You set my heart free 
I give to you 
my broken heart 
ripped all to shreds 
torn all apart 
Life hasn't been nice 
though it has been fun 
I've learned so much 
and it's just begun 
I'm not too young 
I'm not too old 
I have my baggage 
hasn't turned me cold 
You've been around too 
you must agree 
but your heart is still there 
enticing me 
You opened my eyes 
to something quite new 
You give me hope 
I must say a thank you 

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did you ever
Did you ever? 
Did you ever miss being a child? 
Did you ever miss the rain falling lightly on your head? 
Did you ever wonder what happened to your life? 
Did you ever want to be someone else? 
Did you ever think you'd fall in love? 
Did you ever think you'd have enough? 
Did you ever just want to be hugged? 
Did you ever wonder where your mother was? 
Did you ever wake up crying? 
Did you ever feel like dying? 
Did you ever huggle your child? 
Did you ever want them to turn out right? 
Did you ever wish you could forget? 
Did you ever..... yeah, me too...

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procession of time
The beginning...Laying my head on your chest 
as our bodies cling close 
in bed at night.

I feel the length of your arm holding me 
tightly against you as my breath begins to 
mimic the comforting rhythm of the rise and 
fall of your chest rocking me to sleep.
Your other hand gently plays with my hair 
as you slumber... 

Protecting me and watching over me so that 
my dreams are clear. I am safe in the arms 
of love.

I know that if I was to raise my head, 
your eyes would flutter open 
to see what was wrong.  

You worry that I might not be comfortable.
We sleep soundly... happy...
We wake and begin the course of our day; 
this day begins with a smile. 


Another night...the sun gently falls from the sky 
and the moon rises to meet us.

This night I crawl in beside you, 
you were angry over something before.
I thought it best if I waited to be near you.
You are holding onto your pillow, 
facing away from "my side" of the bed.
When did we assign the "sides" I wonder to myself.

I lay next to you, facing towards you, 
forming my body to fit behind yours
My head softly buried to your back, 
my hand dangling over your side
I hug you as I fall asleep; 
kiss the back of your neck and whisper 
“I love you” softly so I do not wake you.

I fall asleep, but my dreams, they haunt me, 
they are filled with 
wonder and confusion.
I wake mind restless, my body aching.
I am quiet in my distress.


The end... Tonight, I sat and watched you 
as you did your best to ignore my presence.
I asked you if something was wrong.. 
if I could do anything, You said 
nothing could be done, that it was you.

You said you were leaving; 
I faced away from you in the bed this night.
I could not even look at the moon, 
but I could feel it's climbing 
across the sky as I laid there not sleeping, 
not dreaming, tears stinging my cheeks.

I felt you when you got into bed, 
I waited till I thought you were sleeping, 
and turned towards you, 
and again you were faced away from me.

I wondered what could possibly have changed 
from the before.

Seemed like the one I loved had died, 
and left me with this corpse of a man 
with no feelings left in him.

I am angry, I am sad, I am heartbroken.
I do not sleep this night, in my mind, 
in my heart, I am screaming.

Present...  You are gone now, the bed is mine, 
but it has been moved away 
from the place we called home.

Sometimes at night, I miss the sound of 
your heart beating near my ear.
I miss the touch of you on me, 
and the love you once had for me.

I am better now, I don't cry as much as 
when you first left.
The future looks brighter and my dreams 
rarely are haunted by your face 

I force myself to sleep on both sides of the bed.
The moon still rises, it still is there... 
but it doesn't hold the same 
meanings it once did.

Now it's I who hug my pillow.

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fairy tale
Dear momma I am lost
I forgot to wear the cross
that you hung around my neck
oh please save my from my life

I can't find my way
I've lost my will to say
how I really feel, I want to scream
oh can't you save me from my life

Isn't that just the thing
that you wanted to hear
Your little girl has lost her way
she's become the modern day
little Red Riding hood

Oh where is the big bad wolf today
why is he standing in my way
why do I have to fight him
Oh can't you save me from my life

Yes, I had my first child
Do you remember when I was wild
why can't I stay young forever
Oh can't you save me from my life

Isn't that just thing
that you wanted to hear,
your little darlin has lost her way
She's become the a modern day
little Cinderella

Oh where is my fairy godmother
is she lost, does she has a father
Unlike your darlin daughter
who never got to feel the love
Oh can't you save me from life

Time will tell the story
of my little ones history
Can they be spared the modern day
Fairy tale life
Oh can't you save them from this life.

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the light
You have that light around you
I heard him say to me today
but you need to keep it shining
you must let go of that inner pain
You must let go he said
before it destroys your life
You need to move on
Move forward
Stop looking back
Let yourself be the positive 
Stop holding yourself back

Wasn't his calling
Wasn't his destiny 
even if he wanted he couldn't be with me
I was still special
He could express
Any thought, any desire
be at rest
He's a good man, I hope he can see
That even without him
I have his love with me.

He wished he could wipe away my pain
make it all go away
He said he couldn't make the pains of the world
go away.
he would try his best to make me smile
to give me comfort for awhile
hold me tight, stroke my hair 
make me laugh
bring me what joy he could

I was the sparkle
I was his bright light
I cast my spell on his shield of protection
from his own inner pains

Wasn't his calling
Wasn't his destiny 
even if he wanted he couldn't be with me
I was still special
He could express
Any thought, any desire
be at rest
He's a good man, I hope he can see
That even without him
I have his love with me.

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with you
Sing my heart
for it has found
What it has truly wanted
wearing the love like a badge of honor
with pride and to be flaunted.

My cheering mind
My tender soul
now grasped in love's embrace
the kindness shown
the kisses felt
the finding of ones place.

Being by your side
with nothing to regret
My hearts desire
My inner fire
how much happier could I get

To be with you everyday
would make my life complete
To share every precious moment
to accomplish every feat.

I know that it will happen
even if it is not "now"
I look forward to our future
some way and oh, some how

So know in your heart
that I am here and not going anywhere
Feel it in your very self
how much I love you and truly care

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wish for Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas 
when all through my mind
Visions of you remained
not dimmed by time

The love is still true
the will is still strong
my lips still want
what my soul still longs.

To have you so close
and yet now so far
look towards the heavens
to wish on a star

that you will still love me
and always see clear
that your heart will be true
and still want me next year

I wish you a Merry Christmas
my Santa you will be 
but the best gift of all
will be you here with me.

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baby’s father
I looked up, I saw your face
filled with emotion, etched with disgrace.
No, I won't let that get to me
I know the pain of your brutality.
The years of hurt that you have given.
Why should you now be forgiven?

Only that written order keeps you from me
That smug smile when you HAD to agree.
I remember what you said
how you wanted the baby and I dead
Now you ask "How is my daughter?" 
When were you EVER her father?

Calling her ONE time on the phone
Doesn't make her yours to own.
Yes, you could call me bitter,
Why I had to tell my sitter
"Make sure he doesn't take her away, 
When she goes outside to play"

What kind of life is that to lead
Why I ask you, Why must I plead?
I never wanted this much pain.
Haven't I made that clear and plain?

Yes, I am angry still
No, I don't have it in my will
to let the past be said and done.
Sorry, I must go now, I have to run

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is it love?
I feel you
holding me tight
whispering sweet words
all through the night

I reach out to touch you
my fingers grasp air
opening my eyes
I fall in despair

I cannot touch you
You are not here
but I can still see you 
the image is clear

Is it want?
Is it need?
Is it a hunger I cannot feed?
Just desire? 
or love's fire?
Simply trust that I must
have you near me
have you close
we will see, which is most

In my heart
In my mind
I know the truth
You will see in time
True love is real
it lasts forever
Are you ready
for this endeavor?

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my endless life
if you could see the future
if you could read my thoughts
if You could remember
everything you had ever been taught

would you still have wants?
Would you still have dreams?
would everything you ever known
be now what it seems?

I'd have to say no to 
these questions that I've asked
To have it all would be a waste
because could it really last?

Could you remain happy
in a perfect life
to have only had the pleasures
and never have had the strife.

Honestly I wouldn't want that 
not for myself I know
I enjoy the chaoticness
of my life's continuous flow

It gives me something to long for
something to dream about
something to ask for in my prayers
when I am about to pass out.

I cannot focus on the bad
but only find some good
because if I had to dwell on things
I don't know if I could.

Make it through the day to day
with so much more to do
wash the dishes, look for the keys.
Oh God, where is my other shoe?

It seems so endless 
this crazy world that surrounds me 
all you can do is laugh a little
for crying would be silly

I am glad that I have the choices
that the insanity of my life brings
It gives me hope in myself
and helps me smile at the little things.

so would I want that perfect life
that I described before
well now that you mention it
I could use it a little more.

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dear daddy
What happened to you daddy
where were you all these years
Why were you not around
to calm my darkest fears.

Do you know that I am here
with children of my own
That I go through day to day
Doing it all alone.

Did you hear me crying out for you
in your dreams at night
Did you hear me needing you
to show me what was right.

Where were you daddy dearest
When I had lost my way
I wonder what you look like now
and what you'd have to say.

Would you even know me 
if you happened to pass by
would you recognize your child
and wonder "should I say hi"

I only have one picture
One link to you in the past
I keep it in a safe spot
Make sure it will last.

I wish that I could find you
but all I have is your name
I tried your old address
but sadly it is not the same

Do you ever wonder
what happened to my mom and I
do you ever look for me
Do you even try?

It makes me sad and angry
the emotions that underlie
it makes me want to scream outloud
but all I can do is cry

I have almost given up any hope
of finding you someday
all I can do is wish for luck
and pray it happens anyway..

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a day of mine

Written: September 20, 2005


Waking up in the morning
Empty pillow by my side
The one I wish that could fill it
Wonder where his love abides

Could he find his way to me?
Would he want to hold me close?
Tell me if you something badly?
Can you have the one you chose?
I want this dream to be a truth now
I wish I could have just one time
I’d give a lot to make this happen
I only want to make him mine.

Working through the day now
Surrounded by people I hardly know
I feel alone in this space somehow
I don’t know how to make it go
Has he found his way to me?
Does he want to hold me close?
Does he want this oh so badly?
Am I the one he chose?
Can you hear me in the darkness?
Only a candle as my light
Reaching out through the miles
Wanting to hold you through this night
I wish that I could find my way to you
I want to keep you oh so close
I want this keep you so badly
I want to have the one…. I chose.

I want this dream to be truth now
Let it happen just one time
I’d give so much to make this happen
I only want to make you mine.

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