That moment you realize…

That moment you realize...

As I was going to sit down with my cup of iced coffee this morning, I realized that I do the same thing every morning when I wake up. Unless I’m ill (which sadly does happen), these same things happen.  It almost happens like a program that is running through my head.  So what do I do… (I know I know, Em do we really care? bear with me though k?)

First..

The alarms, yes I said alarms because it really does take more than one.  They aren’t close to me.  One is Alexa.  Amazon’s Echo device AI that pretty much won’t shut up till I am loud enough for her to hear me.  God forbid I have laryngitis one day. Second is my cell phone alarm.  This one goes off and then tells me the weather and the current news.  I don’t remember installing this feature but I don’t hate it.  My cell phone alarm literally takes me getting up out of my bed and walking to my desk to make it shut up.

So yeah. I’m out of bed now.

I don’t know about you but I then must go to the bathroom.  I’m sure you know after sleeping the body must go potty!! or am I the only one this happens to?  Well, either way there I go… (watches as past me plods and bumps her way into the bathroom since she never turns on any lights)  While in there I make the mistake of looking in the mirror while I wash my hands.  This is when I pull out a clean washcloth douse it in hot water and press it to my face.  When did my eyes start sinking into the head like this and why the heck are my cheeks so puffy…  I digress.  After a couple of minutes of doing this a number of times, I now feel like I can leave the room to wake up my youngest daughter.  6am seems to be much earlier right after summer time.

Waking her up is either very easy or EXTREMELY difficult.  Some days I walk in there and she is already putting on her uniform. Others, I have to climb up her ladder and pull out her leg… (After rereading this I realized I put that I pulled “OUT” her leg, this oddly enough is not true, I pull “at” her leg… Though pulling out gives a really weird “she’s a barbie doll” image in my head, so yeah, kind of creepy, and we’ll go with AT. ) At thirteen years she is as tall as me, so it’s not fun.

Finally, she is moving.

I ask where her lunchbox and water bottle is.  We go through this every day.  I don’t know why she refuses to put her things in the kitchen when she gets home from school but there you go.  Same questions, different day.  Carrying said items into the kitchen, I then proceed to wash the water bottle, refill it and then put snacks into the lunchbox.  This is a process in itself because I don’t ever put the items all in the same spot.  Why don’t I do this and make things easier on myself?  Well, sometimes it is because it is fresh fruit or something that needs to be refrigerated or it is because I don’t want anyone to eat them and then she doesn’t have them.  Fun stuff.

Now, what I really want after doing that is coffee.  Like, I wanted coffee the moment I woke up but yeah, I basically have to bribe myself to get my morning chores done.  So I sort any dishes there might be from the previous night and do those before I allow myself the pleasure of coffee.  When it is colder warm coffee is great, but since it is still pretty warm I brew some Keurig coffee and then add it to a cup of ice.

By the time, I have coffee and the dishes are done. For me, doing dishes involves cleaning up the whole kitchen area. My mother is banging on my door as she is the one who takes my daughter to school.  I open the door “Good Morning Mom, she is coming.”  Door closed.  Now either my daughter is walking out with her bag towards me or I have to go and tell her four times she needs to hurry as her grandmother is waiting.  (Something which my mother isn’t too fond of)  Kissing her on the head, I wish her a good day as she walks out.

Now it’s time to feed the catch.  (Here, I meant to say “cat”, this is the problem with writing a post at 7am I guess. ) Who has been pretty much circling my feet since I waddled to the bathroom almost 45 minutes ago.  At which point, I make him sit down and pour 1/4 cup of dry cat food into his plate.  Why do I make him sit?  Well, basically before I started doing this I would end up pouring food on top of his head because he is a cat and has no patience.  Now he sits there and waits when I say “sit down”.  Yes, I know he isn’t a dog, but I was determined.  I change out his water after washing his bowl and look to see what I should eat.

I hate this part.  It is me first trying to figure out how hungry I am and then asking myself what do I plan on doing today.  Sometimes it involves a carnation good start shake with almond milk or it is actual food.  Today it was a bowl of cheerios with some honey on top.  I’ll grab something else after I drop my middle daughter off at school. After foraging for food I walk into my room, set my breakfast on my desk and make my bed.  I make my bed every single day.  It is a weird mix of the military training and me wanting to be able to say I accomplished “something” every day.

Now my morning chores are done and here I sit typing up this crazy post after realizing that I do these same things every weekday.  The weekends are a bit more lax (Grammarly is insisting that I put laxer but I swear that doesn’t sound right!!)  but yeah.  Do you guys do the same things in the morning or am I the only crazy person?  It is then that after I sit down at my desk that I pull out my daily planner and make a list of stuff that needs to get done.  Bed and dishes are immediately crossed off.  (Points added to mental score for the day at this point)  I wonder if I was to give myself points for everything I do how much I would rack up.

So yeah, that’s my morning in a nutshell.  Now, where is my coffee, omgosh did I leave it in the kitchen!!

*runs off the get it*

Till next time…

~em

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October 2017 – My KPOP Playlist

Wow, I can’t believe it has been almost a year since I uploaded my last KPOP Playlist.  Now it is October and I was finally able to get it done.  You can listen to it via stream on Soundcloud.  I don’t always pick the most popular of the artists songs at the time, but they are the ones I like.

If you like the artists please support them by buying their music. 🙂

If the SoundCloud version isn’t working please feel free to listen on my Showreel @ http://mixlr.com/emadored/showreel/kpop-playlist-10-oct-2017/
Honestly, I feel like the quality is much better on the Mixlr stream.

(EDIT:  I added in some YouTube links for the artists)

1 – BTS (방탄소년단) – Go Go (고민보다 Go)(00:03)
2 – BTS (방탄소년단) – DNA  (03:57)
3 – GOT7 – You Are (07:40)
4 – B.A.P – Honeymoon (11:00)
5 – PENTAGON – One More Night (오늘까지만) (14:24)
6 – WOO WON JAE – We Are (시차) (Feat. Loco & GRAY) (17:56)
7 – BOBBY- Runaway (21:11)
8 – EXO – 부메랑 (Boomerang) (24:54)
9 – EXO – Ko Ko Bop (27:54)
10 – SUNMI – Gashina (가시나) (31:04)
11 – HENRY – I’m Good (Feat. NAFLA) (34:05)
12 – WINNER – Love Me Love Me (37:55)
13 – BLACKPINK – As If It’s Your Last (41:33)
14 – ZICO – Bermuda Triangle (Feat. Crush & Dean) (45:07) (I know it’s older, but I still like it 🙂 )
15 – NCT 127 – Cherry Bomb (48:34)
16 – SE O – Kiss Me (52:31)
15 – THE ROSE – Sorry (55:48)

If you like my playlists I have my live versions here: mixlr.com/emadored/showreel/

Till next time~!
~em

When it is over.

Today I packed up the last of your things.
It hurt me.
It felt like I was saying goodbye to my future.
In a way, I guess I was.
The future I had seen in my mind with us..
it is packed up in there.
It hurts so much knowing that I was trying so hard.
and that under all the crazy,
I know that you loved me.
in your own way.. I guess.
I feel like I let us down.
But I couldn’t understand you.
I couldn’t understand the anger and all the blame.
Where did that come from?
Did I do this to you?
What had I done but try to be supportive and helpful?
I was so shocked that all this was happening.
was…. am… yes, I still do not understand.
The other thing is, I can’t even tell you this.
I can’t say goodbye or even ask why
It is out of my hands.
You ended up putting it all in someone else’s hands.
When you get the police involved other services come.
Hand in hand they walk trying to help but adding to the fear.
Not their fault, they are… trying.
So now all I can do is just try to forget,
get over, stop feeling…
A part of me has shut down and now I’m just mom.
Just mom me will keep going…
While she is doing that,
the other me, that lost girl, the emotional one
the one who isn’t out in view now has to find her way…
She doesn’t really want anyone near her.
She just wants to hide in her bed and dream of some other life
that could have been.
Isn’t that what she does?
She hopes that her tomorrow will be better.
I hate being sad.

Am I creative?

What makes a person creative??

This was the very first question that was posed to me for the start of this “Methods of Design” course at Full Sail.  My first class for 2016.  I sat there and stared at the screen for a long time just wondering, “Is it actually what I think it is?” and okay, lots of ground this could cover.

I mean seriously, What “does” make a person creative?  I  mean, everyone is creative in some sense, aren’t we?

Well, being the total nerd that I am the first place I went was m-w.com (or http://www.merriam-webster.com/) though I’ve always just remembered to type the first thing.  Lazy I guess.

Merriam-Webster said:

creative

adjective cre·a·tive \krē-ˈā-tiv, ˈkrē-ˌ\

Simple Definition of creative

  • : having or showing an ability to make new things or think of new ideas

  • : using the ability to make or think of new things : involving the process by which new ideas, stories, etc., are created

  • : done in an unusual and often dishonest way

This part caught my eye “using the ability to make or think of new things”.  So, having an idea really isn’t being creative until you put that thought into action or is it until you put it down on paper?  Are you creative just because you think of really cool things and spout them off to everyone? Well, maybe that just makes you a creative thinker and not a creative doer….

I think what makes a person creative ends up being is what inspires that person to act.   A person becomes creative when he (or she) takes that little idea running around in their dreams at night and turning it into reality.

So, am I creative?  I guess if you can call my poetic ramblings, scribbles on paper and this blog a product of my creativity than yes, by definition, I’m pretty creative.  Other than that, I’m basically just a little crazy and willing to put myself out there.

Oh, speaking about that…. it also asked, “if creativity could be taught.” This is something I am learning myself.  Someone prompted me towards a book called “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron.  This book is a little “out there” in a sense where it takes you on a spiritual path to opening yourself up to remembering how to be creative.  So if you aren’t really into that kind of thing or open to seeing things from that perspective it probably isn’t for you.  I’m enjoying reading it so far.

There was this quote by Pablo Picasso that I liked in it that said:

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

Emily's Creative Child
I like thinking that there is a little Emily locked inside begging to come out and play again.  It gives me hope that there is more to my existence than just this 45-year-old mom who happens to be disabled and bored.

~~~talk to you later~~~

Oh, for this class I also had to make a site for my school work.  You can check it out at http://emilyjsmall.blogspot.com/   Presently it just shows the beginnings of my second assignment that involves taking a work of art that I wouldn’t hang on my wall and making it into something I find more aesthetically (I totally spelled this wrong like 3 times.  Thanks, Grammarly  for fixing it for me. ) pleasing.

~em

about me… what…

The Sun

So I was looking at my “about.me” page and asking myself what the heck do I even write on this thing.  I mean seriously, what IS there about me that would possibly be all that interesting to anyone.  I mean anyone can list out things…

  • Who am I?
  • How old am I?
  • What have I done?
  • Where am I going?
  • Where have I been?

Geesh, that is soooo much to put on one page.  It really can’t be done and honestly, I wouldn’t want to read all that, and if I have to read all that, do I even want to bother getting to  know the person because what would I have to talk to them for?  I “already” would know everything.  Besides, I really am not just one page of things. That and I’m something different every single day.

Today I might be more of a 3D modeler (out of necessity simply because I’m going through the class presently in school! 🙂  ) whereas tomorrow I’m more of a “Mom – the kpop streamer” (Yes, I’m THAT girl!) or, “the dancing chef” while I make food in the kitchen with my wireless headphones on, or “the mad painter” as I work covered in acrylics by my easel hoping to actually get some on the canvas or I might even be “the little seamstress” as I work on the jackets I plan to make for an upcoming concert… or the … well you get the point.

There is no “one” me in my about.me.  I guess I do not like being put in a box, or labeled or being told who I am or what I cannot be because of my age, gender, or because of my abilities and/or disabilities, so I tend to keep everything kind of yep, this is what I am doing NOW.

If you want to know more about me.  Just ask 🙂

~Em.

Oh, and update, I “finally” got my Maya to install with the help of one of their customer service.  It only took 5 or 6 of them to get to her.  It turned out to be a verification issue with my school’s email.  Boggle.  Yep, something that easy can bungle everything up.  All is working great now and I’m learning…..s.l.o.w.l.y…..

Finding inspiration in a movie…

Hello Hello!

After doing my homework the other night, I stayed up watching “The Man from Nowhere“.  This is a Korean film that pretty much is a man who ends up fighting for a child who lives next door to him.  It reminded me quite a bit of that movie “Léon: The Professional ” with Natalie Portman as the child.

By the end of the film I was sitting here, so jarred by the experience that I ended up sitting there, sketching the little girl from it.  It isn’t perfect but considering I only started drawing again in the last few months, not too bad… This is how it turned out.

So-mi - The Man from NoWhere.

Today when I logged on my wordpress account here, I found this post by ChristyMendy, called Stick Through It: The Fear of a Creative Career.  In it this young girl is determined to follow her own dreams even though the teachers at her school were negative towards it.  Years later, this girl is now graduating from college with the graphic design degree she wanted.  You have to applaud her success.

For years I allowed the people around me, and my own circumstances dictate what life I was living and what I would do with it.  It is nice to see someone so young find their way.  I can only hope my children will learn this early on like she has.  I wish her much success in her future!! I look forward to seeing where she goes from here.

If I remember I’ll post again soon.

~Em